Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The love and Battle I have with nursing

This post is a bit long with no cutie pics of my fatty, so beware..

     My plan for today was to start putting Haydee on a more scheduled daily routine and to try out sleep training..

What is sleep training, you ask?
Its a way of helping your baby learn to sleep and stay asleep through the night. Many babies have trouble going to sleep, or going back to sleep when they've been wakened.
(got that from here, it has some more info on sleep training if interested)

     I have always loved breastfeeding Haydee since the first day she latched on. Me and her became quite pros at it. We have nursed anywhere and anyway you can think of. In private, in public, standing, laying down, walking around, in the bath, while in the car, on rides etc..
     I think it was when she became too much of a pro that the kicking, being upside down, twisting and turning while nursing began..now that wasn't fun..at least not for me.

     After months of pretty much breastfeeding 24/7 on command, like a free breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack all you can eat buffet, time caught up to me..I was exhausted! Doing whatever I was doing during the day and basically waking up every hour at night to switch her from my left boob to the right, and so on, was killing me. Co-sleeping with her made it a lot easier since I don't actually need to get up from my bed and walk to her crib, but I still had to wake up from whatever lovely dream I was having, and I wasn't happy...
     Falling asleep wasn't a breeze either. It already takes me a while to fall asleep..adding a baby whose nursing on my not-so-comfortable sleeping side, while tossing and turning, and squeezing (really hard) the nipple that's not being used, makes it a whole lot harder!

     There would be nights I would be totally fine with it, sometimes not even noticing shes nursing. Squeezing and cuddling with her while she nurse herself to sleep. Looking into her eyes as she rolls them back from how good that first sip of "chechi" tastes..
     Other times I'd catch myself half asleep basically pushing her off of me. I hated that! Nursing is supposed to be a lovely bonding experience between us and it was starting to make me be annoyed of her..at least at nights, when I was reallyy tired.

     Soo..that's when I decided I wanted to try out sleep training, since the only way Haydee knew how to sleep was by nursing. I researched a ton of different ways to do this, including reading the book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and wrote down some notes about it (which I definitely recommend, even though I haven't tried it and I don't know if it actually works but it seems legit).

     Even though it was bothering me I always had an excuse not to start the sleep training. It was either because of her teething, being sick, going on vacation etc..Last week I told myself that on Monday (today), I would dedicate at least 2 months of her being on her daily routine so I can start. Well..it didn't happen, with not even a real excuse, I woke up and just told myself "ehh, maybe ill start tomm."

     So I was thinking today on my drive home...Whyy was I continuing to give myself excuses for something that I wantedd to do? .... Well, because I really didn't want to do it..

I have always said I would keep nursing Haydee until she is 2 1/2 years old (maybe a little older - but only in mornings and before bed).

     I noticed today that she is slowly beginning to stop nursing during the day, and I guess I'm afraid if she also stops in the middle of the night she soon might not want to nurse at all..and as much as night nursing annoys me, I love every bit of it.

     If anything is wrong with her; being sick, hurt, sleepy etc. she would nurse. Me, and only me, would be able to cure her. I was and have been her supper hero/mom for the 15 months shes been alive.

Why would I want to stop that?..

     I would end my post with just that..a cute ending of me wanting to stay a supper hero, but that's not true. I want sleep! I've been in a battle with myself for the last few months wondering if I should stop nursing or not, and if its still a healthy choice for both me and her..but I still don't know the right answer..

A little background:
I exclusively breastfed Haydee till she was 6 months. After that I started giving her some baby and table foods, but mostly still breastfeeding. When her year birthday came, I started to slowly give her more food and cut down on the milk..she wouldn't have it. She has never really been a food eater since shes always been a boobie drinker.. lol

Well now I need to figure out what I really want to do..
A. suck it up
        1. until shes 2 1/2 and re meet this situation when the time comes.
        2. until she self weans, which could take foreverrr.
B. sleep train her so she stops nursing through the night and we can both sleep happily.

     Letter B obviously sounds pretty good...Besides the actual sleep training process, which can go both ways and take forever (and will be another blog post all in itself)..I need to come to terms with my little angel seeing me as her supper hero no matter if I'm nursing her or not..

Until next time,
Your favorite Mommy! =]
P.S. this post is more of my "battle" with nursing, then loving it. I will be blogging about the love I have for nursing including all the funny (and not so funny) things Haydee does before, during, and after nursing..

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